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Archie the Educator and the Illogical Poor

Updated: Aug 18, 2022

The following is a summary of the ancient story known as Archie the Educator and the Illogical Poor, passed down through the generations by word of mouth. It was one of the first Aphist fables discovered in the aftermath of the old world's destruction and serves as one section of our moral foundation. As a citizen of Silitra, you should study it and try to understand its lessons.

While we have attempted to faithfully amalgamate and summarize all known versions of this tale here, for a full understanding of the Aphist legends, we would advise that you purchase a yearly museum membership for only 20kgs per week.

While that may seem a steep cost, nothing is more priceless than a good education.

Somewhere in the Northern Outlands, far beyond the limits of the horizon, Archie the Educator came across a family in dire need of food: a mother, father and two young sons. A blizzard roared through their ramshackle cottage, and they had little more than damp wood with which to make a fire.

They begged him to spare some of his food, but he explained that it would be illogical for him to give them any, as they would merely starve soon after he left. Instead, Archie offered to teach them how to grow their own food, so they would never need to bother another stranger again, begging for things they had not worked for and thus did not deserve. At first, the family protested, arguing that nothing would grow in their pastures. Archie the Educator demonstrated the logic of his argument by allowing them to starve for four days and four nights.

On the fifth day, the family's agonising hunger pains led them to the logical truth: Without hard work, one can expect no reward. Thus, the family agreed to learn from Archie the Educator.

Archie showed the family how to till, plough and plant, making the ground fertile for crops. After several months, the family had grown enough food to sustain themselves. But Archie had one final lesson for them. He took half of each crop to sustain himself. After all, he reasoned, they would all have died if not for the education he had delivered, and he thus deserved a tithe.

The mother and father argued with Archie, pointing out that they could not all survive on the remaining food. Archie agreed, telling them that this was their final lesson.

'The choices you must make', Archie said 'are unpleasant. This is why you must follow logic and reason to the end.'

'What is the logical answer to our predicament?' the mother asked.

'Isn't it obvious? There are four of you, and food enough for two.'

'But, without us, our children will not survive.'

'This is logical', Archie the Educator responded.

'So, one of we parents must die', the mother reasoned.

'Also logical.'

'But, that means that one of us must also live', the father interjected.

'This is true.'

'And thus', the father continued, 'One of our children must follow their parent to the grave.'

'You have reached the logical solution to your predicament.'

So sentimental were the mother and father that they refused to act on that clearest of logic. The mother could not kill the father or either of her sons. This was also true of the father and sons in turn.

Archie the Educator left them for another four days and four nights to contemplate his lesson. Upon his return, all four members of the illogical family had frozen stiff, without a single morsel of food in their bellies.

Archie the Educator left them to their forever slumbers, content that their deaths would serve as a lesson to any who may hear their tale of ignorance.

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